Reflecting random thoughts

I sometimes feel the Sun has always been a part of me. Infact, he's etched within my very soul as though, he were doing complete justice to my name. Perhaps this is why I exihibit his traits. He is an early riser, so am I. He lights up the dark/gloomy world, so do I, metaphorically speaking! He dazzles & is cheery all the time, so am I. An eclipse is a rare feature, though. I may not seem as 'hot' as him, but I can scorch people to death when they try to get on my nerves.

Then there are days when I see the Sun as a constant companion, one who is watching me almost always. He turns the sand into wetgold. Ever elusive, ever glistening. I sit there thinking of someone, not knowing who exactly it is I am thinking of, but loving the way my thoughts inch forward at a leisurely pace. The way the salt in the air is a balm to my wounds, the water plays the brine in which to preserve them add some memories for spice if I care. I sit a part of millions and yet alone. I am not scared, I am way too struck by the beauty of the moment, its fleetingness.
Somehow in my vision I see myself gathering sea shells, laughing to myself and I am never looking for company or waiting for someone (though I am well aware waiting for you by the seaside would make a prettier picture) I feel like an island. But when I wake up I am happy with my dream as well as happy not being an island. Makes me wonder whether I am leading a dual life in my head. Am I schizoid or just myself?
And at times when I read what I write I feel ashamed. Cant quite pinpoint ashamed of what. But ashamed I am. Of vulnerability, of not being an island and quite knowing it, of things that happened and things that didn’t. I barely repent I just feel ashamed. Perhaps its not making sense to anyone else but it makes perfect sense to me.
I can quite apply logic to the thoughts above......
And then my hum takes my vocal chords to B-flat four (thats the scale I sing in,usually)....
aye saala
abhi abhi huaa yaqeen
ki aag hai mujh mein kahi
hui subaah main jal gaya
suraj ko main nigal gaya
ruu-ba-ruu roshni hai.....ruu-ba-ruu roshni hai.....

jo gumshuda-sa khwaab tha
voh mil gaya voh khil gaya
uulon hathaa pighal gaya
khichhaa khichhaa machal gaya
sitaar mein badal gaya
ruu-ba-ruu roshni hai.....ruu-ba-ruu roshni hai......

dhuaan chhataa khula gagan mera
nayi dagar naya safar mera
jo ban sake tu hamsafar mera
nazar mila zara

aandhiyon se jaghad rahi hai lau meri
ab mashaalon si bhad rahi hai lau meri
naamo nishaan....papparappa.....rahe na rahe....rippaparrra....
ye kaaravaan rahe na rahe
ujaale mein pee gaya
roshan huaa....papparappa....jee gaya
kyon sehte raheee......
ruu-ba-ruu roshni hai......

dhuaan chhataa khula gagan........ruu-ba-ruu roshni......aye saala.....aye saala......

(ps: From Rang de Basanti)